chickpea salad

Thank God our Mesopotamian progenitors tamed the mighty legume!

1. theory
2. equipments
3. ingredients
4. recipe

theory

Ham, shrimp, chicken, tuna, and sardine salads all are beautiful things. So to chickpea salad. Part of the beauty of these traditional salads lies in how they represent an enticing means by which to easily eliminate waste, and can be cobbled together from and augmented with any old bottle or jar from pantry or refrigerator. And so too with chickpea salad.

The parsley may be the single most crucial component of this salad. It cannot be stressed enough that you are never likely to find yourself in danger of using too much of the stuff. Among other things, one should at all times keep on hand a bunch of parsley and a lemon.

equipments

• oven
• square of aluminum foil
• cutting block
• kitchen knife
• fork
• sieve
• mixing bowl
• pastry blender
• mixing spoon
• citrus juicer
• spreading knife

ingredients

• slices of bread, sourdough or [marble] rye
• chickpeas, canned
• red onion
• capers, jarred
• black olives, sliced
• good olive oil
• dijon mustard
• lemon
• salt
• peppercorns
• parsley

recipe

1. arrange the foil so that its less shiny side is facing up
2. take two adjacent slices of bread and unfold them on the foil like you would open a book
3. open the door of the oven, lift up the foil with the slices of bread on it, and place it on a rack in the oven, then close the oven door
4. turn on the oven and set its temperature to 400° F
   • - when the oven temperature has reached 400° F, turn it off; open the door of the oven, flip over each slice of bread onto its other side, then close the oven door, and proceed with what you were doing
5. open the can(s) of chickpeas, drain in the sieve, and rinse thoroughly with cold water; let drain
6. chop off the ends of the onion, slice it in half along the coronal plane, peel it, place one half cut-side down and slice it horizontally, very thin, then finely mince those slices
7. finely mince capers
8. finely slice black olives; if already sliced, slice more finely
9. slice lemon in half and juice
10. transfer drained chickpeas to mixing bowl and with pastry blender thoroughly mash them so as to form something between a meal and a paste
11. to blended chickpeas add good olive oil, dijon, lemon juice strained through sieve, salt, and cracked peppercorns*
12. with mixing spoon incorporate everything, then add minced red onion, minced capers, and sliced black olives, and incorporate everything again
13. chop, shred, and finely mince the parsley, including all but the very ends of the stems, add to the chickpea mixture, and incorporate everything once more; you will know it is the proper texture when you hear it squelch joyfully
14. when the slices of bread bread have finished toasting, remove them from the oven
15. liberally spoon the chickpea salad on top of one slice of bread, then turn over the remaining slice of bread and place it on top of the heaped salad
16. standing on the tips of your toes, place your hands on top of the sandwich and press down firmly, once
17. slice the sandwich in halves, on a slight diagonal

as with all such salads, this only improves bodily when allowed to rest for some time in the refrigerator

* It is important to always apply a prime number of twists to the grinder when cracking peppercorns. Seventeen is a good rule of thumb. A good pointy number. Seven usually is too little. Thirty-seven if you feel adventurous or wish to guard against carpal tunnel. Or, grind the peppercorns with a pestle in a mortar, for a rawer flavor, or if you wish to avoid over-reliance on single-use appliances.