ants-on-a-log
theory
First off, this dish is not just "for children". If it tends to be most often made for, and enjoyed by, children, well, that is probably only because children are naturally less prejudiced, less prone to allowing their preconceptions to pervert their judgment, and more perceptive of the true worth of things.
Ants-on-a-Log is a very great dish, a hors d'oeuvre par excellence, if you will. Besides, it is one of the few ways to make any leftover stalks of celery you may have in the refrigerator immediately useful before they grow flaccid as they surely otherwise quickly will. At which point they may still, of course, be sacrificed to the creation of a delicious stock.
Ants-on-a-Log has one and only one orthodox preparation, and that is with peanut butter and raisins. Any other way is heterodox and to be condemned, not entertained. We do not want your almond butters, your cashew butters, your sunflower seed butters. I am sorry, but if you happen to be one of those poor souls who is considered by the medical establishment to be allergic to peanuts, then that is really too bad. It is not a value judgment against you, per se, but it is what it is. We cannot expect that every person should be free to enjoy every pleasure on earth without discrimination. That is not the way things work, and for very good reason. Just sit this one out, in that case. There will be always other things to eat. Anyway, nor do we want your dried blueberries, your dried cherries, your dried cranberries, or any other thing of that nature.
This dish calls for Peanut Butter, and it calls for Raisins! The noble Thompson Seedless! Now, you may, if you are feeling particularly audacious, even a little licentious, substitute golden raisins. A dish prepared in that way is called, obviously, "Honey-Ants-on-a-Log".
equipments
- chopping block
- kitchen knife
- plate
- spreading knife
ingredients
- stalks of celery
- peanut butter
- raisins
recipe
- gently under cool water rinse and scrub the stalks of celery, pat them dry, and trim them
- in along the trough of each stalk, spread a good quantity of peanut butter
- liberally stud the peanut butter with raisins -- very important: ants are extremely orderly things, so please do ensure that all of the ant-raisins are aligned along the same axis of the stalk of celery, and not pointed perpendicularly to any of their peers; this would be a great tragedy, an utter failure of verisimilitude, and of art